Even if your relationship starts like a dream, toxic behaviours can potentially wear it down and destroy it. In some situations, you can work on these behaviours and get through to a point where you and your partner live more harmoniously. However, in other scenarios, the relationship might be irretrievably toxic. Read on to find out how you can solve this.
Toxic behaviour and its causes
Toxic behaviour is behaviour that causes you unnecessary trouble and negativity. The traits include manipulation, control, judgement and selfishness. If you’re constantly surrounded by this toxicity, you’ll likely be feeling depressed, anxious and unhappy. Toxicity can come from anyone close to you and it might be caused by the trauma they’re going through or past experiences. Below, we take a look at some of the common behaviours associated with toxicity.
Scoring points is where either person in the partnership remembers past grievances and keeps a scorecard. For instance, you and your partner could be at 1-1 if you’re both holding onto a single upsetting incident in the past. This is toxic because it can be used to deflect from current issues and can be deployed to make you or your partner feel bad in the present.
Passive aggression is another sign of a toxic relationship. This is where you and your partner drop hints pointing towards issues rather than being forthright. It can create a toxic atmosphere in your relationship as it signals a lack of open communication, leading to growing resentment.
Another common symptom of a toxic relationship is that you both buy solutions during difficult times. Instead of getting to the bottom of an issue, you buy gifts to cover your feelings with excitement.
It’s normal to feel a little jealous of your partner – especially if you can control this emotion and use it positively. But once you start to love jealously and act negatively on it, it becomes a toxic trait. Looking through your partner’s phone and following them around town are all toxic signs that signify a lack of trust.
Blaming your partner for your emotions
Blaming your partner if you’re having a bad day is also toxic. If they’re supportive that’s great, but you shouldn’t blame them if they can’t help you on this occasion.
Holding the relationship hostage
Holding the relationship hostage is when you threaten to end the partnership over small grievances. This amounts to emotional blackmail as you look to change your partner with severe threats.
What should you do about toxic behaviour?
Consulting a family lawyer is sometimes the best way to deal with toxic behaviour. If your relationship has turned irredeemably toxic, seeking separation or divorce can be the most appropriate way to move on healthily with your life. In some situations, you can work on your issues, but this requires buy-in from both people to resolve their toxicity.