Before my son was born, I used to roll my eyes to the parenting complaints of the world. Going on holiday was a carefree thing full of cathedrals, art and hours of peace and quiet to catch up on my reading. Once you’ve got kids, you realize that a vacation is a war zone. You’re in a battle to ensure the family has fun and you’re going to win it, no matter how much resistance you come up against! Here are some funny ways you know you’re traveling with kids – hopefully you can empathise with some of them! If you’re just starting out on this journey of parenthood, well… here’s a taste of what you’re in for.
20 funny ways you know you’re traveling with kids
1. Everything takes four times as long as you thought you would.
2. Bathroom breaks are needed immediately at the most inconvenient times. Sometimes three minutes after the previous one.
3. An overnight stay suddenly fills the entire suitcase.
4. You start considering a roof rack for a day out.
5. You answer at least one question per minute. Usually a question that was already asked, such as “Are we nearly there yet?”
6. You have to ask how many people can really fit in that toilet with you? Three kids and one toilet? It can be done!
7. The height of glamour when going out to dinner is not finding any baby milk or vomit on your outfit.
8. No food belongs to you anymore. It’s all shared property. You can’t have theirs though.
9. You find yourself narrating everything. “There’s a field of sheep!” and find yourself doing it even when they’ve nodded off to sleep.
10. The Wheels on the Bus and 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall are firmly embedded in your brain. You’ve also had to explain what beer is very awkwardly.
11. Screen time restrictions go out the window.
12. You’re no longer capable of feeling embarrassment. Like that time your two year old declared he hated Jews (juice) and wanted a bitch (fish) in front of the entire restaurant.
13. Nap times have become Armageddon.
14. You lose half a dozen toys because even though you said they could only come on the trip if they were well left after, something seems to be left behind at every bench.
15. Getting a smile in a photograph suddenly becomes impossible, so all your vacation shots look miserable.
16. You packed two books and managed to get enough peace and quiet to read about two pages. Now you wish you’d just used that space for extra wet wipes.
17. As you say “Don’t touch that” for the 6 millionth time, you wish you’d just packed that set of handcuffs.
18. You realize “Be careful” in children-speak means “THROW IT EVERYWHERE”.
19. You start missing work by the end of the week.
20. You need a holiday to recover from your holiday!
Despite all of the above I love traveling with kids and I wouldn’t miss a single moment for the world. It may be a lot of work and not as much relaxation as I’d like, but every memory is worth it.